Who Will Replace Troy Brown (aka the Naked Patriot)?
I'm not worried about who is going to wave their hand in the end zone indicating a fair catch or who is going to fill in at cornerback if things get really dismal. I am worried about who is going to be naked in the locker room. Troy Brown never failed to pop up on Mohegan Sun Sports Tonight, New England Tailgate, PVN or the local WHDH with less than the average amount of clothing. Sometimes it was just one or two pieces missing but I am pretty sure I have seen the scrambled pixels over Troy's pigskin on at least one occasion.
As a woman I have never been able to hang out in a locker room naked or even close to naked. Sorry to disappoint the men but women's locker rooms do not look like a "Vivid Video" set. It is more like a who's who of who you don't want to see naked. Women are too insecure, even the hot ones, to walk around a locker room showing full frontal, especially if it's on fire. Add cameras, reporters, coaches, and god forbid Felger, and any woman would want to be covered fashionably with perfect lighting.
Troy is not the only New England Patriot to show some sweaty pec, furry shoulders or perky nipples (thank you Wes Welker), but Troy was a naked guy you could count on. Troy was consistently naked on camera after every game, practice, preseason, postseason, every season.
As a new season of Patriots football has started I'm watching all the shows looking to see who will fill these cleats. I'm asking myself, "Who will take on pivotal position?" No one seems ready to take on the reigns of naked guy; no one has emerged as a frontal runner. This is a commitment and will take a lot of hard work. Troy never once looked uncomfortable and that is a skill.I have seen a shirtless Laurence Maroney and Brandon Meriweather, but not consistently and not with the confident stance that Troy had.
Like many other women out there I have my hopes and dreams of who will become the Naked Patriot, but deep down I know it will not be who you think, or who you want, but you will learn to love him and his important roll on the team.
The worst-case scenario is that no one stands in the circle listening to a Bellichick post-game monotone speech wearing only what appears to be a washcloth hanging on a doorknob. I know as a fan I would be very happy if Troy was brought back, even if only to wave that one hand for a fair catch. Then I would know on post-game coverage I would be getting some Brown nudity, and the team would be complete for the 2009 season.
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Without speculating on the aesthetic appeal...
my guess would be Sebastian “Sea Bass” Vollmer. He could well have a temporary spell of forgetfulness and mistake the televised Pats changing room for a Northern European sauna.
Token foreign guy - 14,688km from Foxboro. That's 9128 miles, for you heathens.
by Comedic.Sans on Nov 1, 2009 1:07 AM EDT reply actions 0 recs
One of the newbies
You know how it is – one of the veterans sends a rookie out to fetch whatever the football equivalent of a left-handed monkey wrench is right where the media happens to be… must happen all the time.
Keep the faith!
by Marima on Nov 1, 2009 8:44 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
This is pure comedy genius...
you need to post more. You are a comedy savant.
by McGarry on Nov 2, 2009 10:44 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
I try to stick with how they perform on the field, but different strokes....
My wife always says that Larry Fitzgerald has his mother’s butt. Whatever that means. Just different folks looking for different, um , forms of entertainment. I guess.
My life has been a trivial pursuit. Trivia: where three roads meet.
The more you know, the more you know that you don't know.
by SlotMachinePlayer on Nov 2, 2009 10:55 AM EST reply actions 0 recs
Oh no, what if it's Belichick?
My life has been a trivial pursuit. Trivia: where three roads meet.
The more you know, the more you know that you don't know.
by SlotMachinePlayer on Nov 2, 2009 2:59 PM EST reply actions 0 recs
Doesn't wear anything under the hood?
If you’ve seen those shorts (and I’m sure you have), then there’s very, very little left to imagine as far as Mr. Belichick is concerned.
Token foreign guy - 14,688km from Foxboro. That's 9128 miles, for you heathens.
by Comedic.Sans on Nov 2, 2009 4:05 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs
Can't imagine he's gotten better with time, though.
My life has been a trivial pursuit. Trivia: where three roads meet.
The more you know, the more you know that you don't know.
by SlotMachinePlayer on Nov 2, 2009 6:24 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs
You might find out
where they really keep the Lombardi trophies.
Token foreign guy - 14,688km from Foxboro. That's 9128 miles, for you heathens.
by Comedic.Sans on Nov 2, 2009 7:53 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs
TMI
My life has been a trivial pursuit. Trivia: where three roads meet.
The more you know, the more you know that you don't know.
by SlotMachinePlayer on Nov 2, 2009 9:18 PM EST up reply actions 0 recs
I am grossed out by this
Jack of all trades-Master of None.....
by Peter Chung on Nov 6, 2009 11:40 AM EST reply actions 0 recs

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