Dalai Lama is newest Patriots acquisition

The Dalai Lama, winner of the 1989 Nobel Peace Prize and international symbol of the quest for world peace, harmony and brotherhood, dons a "Flying Elvis" Patriots cap after bowing to close his contract negotiations. He doesn't sign anything.

The New England Patriots have just announced that their newest acquisition, the Dalai Lama, has not decided what position he will play.  He has been quoted as saying:

I must sit for a while and think on it.  Is there a mountain top around here?

When told he may have to go to the dreaded North Shore or even New Hampshire, he appeared agitated, exclaiming the tolls were too high.  "I suppose the Lighthouse will do", he proclaimed.  Ascending the Gillette Stadium structure, he contemplated for a day and finally came down.  In an interview with His Holiness, he exclaimed, "I wonder what it would be like to play quarterback."  Returning QB Tom Brady appeared worried:

I mean, have you seen that guy?  He's unconscious!  I texted Peyton and he's freaking, too!

 DL immediately felt bad that Tom was so distraught.  He gathered everyone together:

My presence is about peace.  I sincerely regret the turmoil I've caused and simply want to please King Kraft.  Therefore, I will hover above the field during games to bring peace and tranquility to the proceedings.  My contract is simple: some stir fry for lunch and let's call it a day.  Hey, do you have any more of those hats?  My posse thinks they're straight up gangsta.

 

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