Some random observations and reports from the disaster EPIC WIN that was NYJ @ NE.
- The Jets had a choice: cover the Smurfs and let the dreaded three-headed TE monster (Gronklerdez?) beat them, or bulk up the middle, and leave their flank exposed. Apparently, they feared being GRONKED into oblivion, so they chose Death by Smurf instead.
- Somebody in Foxboro needs to send the Pittsburgh Steelers and Cleveland Browns a gift basket for their role in providing us with Tomzilla II. The new Tomzilla is even more awesome than before, because he's completely unpredictable; no easy kryptonite to find here!
- Random question: how much neck strain does Brady, the OL, and the TEs get from having to stoop over low enough to the ground to include Wes Welker, Danny Woodhead, and Deion Branch in the huddle?
- Gollum (and the Mafia) should take lessons from Lawfirm. Once he gets his hands on the ball, you need the Jaws of Life to get it out of them.
- Nick Folk's field goal was wide, wide left. I think you could have snuck another set of uprights to the left of the first one, and it still would have been wide left!
- I think Mark Sanchez was secretly auditioning to be Tom Brady's backup quarterback next year. You see all those INT's? That was just Sanchez demonstrating that he could target Patriot receivers with pinpoint accuracy, just like Brady! He still needs to work on his fakeout moves, I think.
- Future commercial, inspired by McCourty's antics after his pick:
On your next vacation, get away from it all on McCourty Airlines—the express route to your endzone destination. Want to travel in comfort and style? McCourty Airlines will snag you out of the doldrums of other carriers, and will whisk you away to your final destination. Once you've landed, you'll be in the expert hands of Brady and Co. Land and Air Express, for efficient and reliable (and gosh darn adorable!) results.
So why book a stay on dull Revis Island, when you can have a Super Experience with McCourty Airlines?
- Note to Drew Coleman: Thank you for dragging Wes Welker into the endzone. Being Brady's security blanket as well as his wingman can be exhausting, and sometimes he just needs a helping hand. And besides, we want to keep his legs fresh for the playoffs!
- Finally, apparently the Lost and Found department left a message on Rex Ryan's answering machine last night after the game.
"Hello. Is this coach Rex Ryan of the New York Jets? I'm really sorry to bother you, but my name is John Smith of the Gillette Stadium Lost and Found department. I'm calling because some of the facilities crew found something your team left behind in the visitor's locker room.
"It's a little hard to maneuver around—we had to unhinge all of the doors just to slide it out of there, so we're kind of wondering how you guys didn't even notice it was there. I mean, we figure it has to way about two tons, and since it wasn't there before the game, we figure you must have brought it back with you from the field.
"We'd like to know what you want us to do with it. If you want we can try to ship it back to you, but you'll have to pay for the shipping and handling charges, and for something that big, I've got to tell you, it's gonna be a lot—maybe a second-round pick, and definitely at least a third in next year's draft. If you don't want it, we'll hold onto it. One of my guys grows his own at home, and he thinks that if we keep it warm and cozy for another two to three months, we think it will hatch into a Boeing 757. The team needs a charter jet for its future flights, and this will be a lot more affordable.
"So, if you'd like it back, please send me a note by email, to firstname.lastname@example.org; for the subject line, please put 'World's Largest Egg Laid by Jets.'
"Thanks, and have a great day."