This week we join Jets coach Rex Ryan on his boat "Fathom 6 Feet" for some fishing on Long Island Sound. It is a green 82' Hatteras sport fisher with a 747 painted on the side.
SJIHTJ: Coach Ryan, have you been fishing a long time?
RR: My Dad used to use me and my brother as shark bait, said it would make us men. I lost my left leg a couple times, much better now though.
SJIHTJ: Your left leg grew back twice?
RR: Didn't I just say it did? I was a hockey player you know.
SJIHTJ: What will you be fishing for today?
RR: I am going to catch the world record bluefin tuna today, probably before lunch. I have the record and I'm going to beat it, again. That's right, last time out I caught an 800 pounder with one hand on a Zebco 202 while eating a cheeseburger.
SJIHTJ: Correct me if I'm wrong coach, but doesn't Ken Fraser have the world record at 1,496 lbs.?
RR: He's Canadian. New York is the greatest city in the world. So I have the world record.
SJIHTJ: Does Fireman Ed alway fish while seated on another man's shoulders?
FE: F-I-S-H Fish Fish Fish!!
RR: Fireman Ed can do no wrong, even though I'm pretty sure he's a semi-functional imbecile, but he fishes like a JET! If Fireman Ed and his human chair are on the stern, port side, then me and my club sandwich have to be starboard side forward in order to maintain our metacentric height and VCG. The change in the moment of the buoyancy force = wV X B B', I designed that one night between inventing overload blitzes and Facebook.
FE: I got a fish! F-I-S-H Fish Fish Fish!!
RR: That's the dock Ed, we're still tied up at the marina.
FE: D-O-C-K Dock Dock Dock!!
RR: Cast off. Make for Revis Island! Lets go catch a god damned fish!
(4 hours later, 100 feet outside the marina perched on a sand bar, the deck is strewn with sub sandwich wrappers, half eaten turkey legs, what's left of a rib eye steak, hot dogs, 2 chateaubriands, a Boone's farm bottle, 17 empty bottles of Heffenreffer, several Dinty Moore beef stew cans, an empty container of lard, 4 KFC buckets, what's left of a pu pu platter, Belgian waffles, artichokes, fruit bats and what appears to be several different breakfast cereals and a wild boar carcass.)
RR: Nothing like a light lunch out at sea.
SJIHTJ: We barely made it out of the marina.
RR: Another day out on the briny deep, the Flemish Cap and back, fighting the gales of the North Atlantic, wrestling narwhals and sea monsters. Nothing like it! Plus my new world record tuna.
SJIHTJ: That is a can of chicken-of-the-sea tuna.
RR: Hey Pal, ask any tuna you happen to see.