New entrées at Chez Hoodie

Last year, lone1c introduced Patriots fans to Chez Hoodie:

Welcome to Chez Hoodie, the finest and most selective dining establishment in the entire world. It's only open once a week, for a single meal, and you can't get reservations unless you schedule a party of 53 about a year in advance. But once you get your scheduled date and time, it's a dining experience like none other. . . .

Rather than feeding you huge portion after portion, Chez Hoodie operates on a "tasting menu" principle, with bite-sized portions of each dish that will leave you begging for mercy at the end of the night. And what are these tasty morsels? The finest gourmet specialties from around the world? Of course not!

At Chez Hoodie, each course is designed to provide overdoses of pain, humiliation, and suffering. While the service itself lasts only a few hours, the hangover will last for weeks, and the memories will last a lifetime.

Of course, as there is constant turnover in the staff and clientele at Chez Hoodie, the menu must change on a regular basis as well.

You'll see some of the new entrées after the jump!

Miami-Style Defense Soufflé

Collapsed, of course, by Chez Hoodie's very own Wes Welker.

Belichick's Bitters

It tastes good, right until the last moment. . . . just ask the Dallas Cowboys.

Arrington Con Pollo

Did your QB throw up a wounded duck? Don't worry, Kyle Arrington will make sure it doesn't hit the ground!

Stuffed Eagle

You may not recognize any of the ingredients, but the Patriots defense can keep your offense out of the end zone.

Palko-Crusted Blackened Kansas City Strip Steak

The price teams pay for bringing awful quarterbacks: you might move the ball, but the scoreboard doesn't lie.

Wilfork-Tender Offensive Linemen

And don't forget Vince Wilfork, capable of dropping offensive linemen and dropping into coverage!

Fruit Punch (Rob Gronkowski's Family Recipe)

After your defense inevitably gives up a touchdown to GRONK, he'll soothe your fallen spirits with his family's fruit punch. Of course, since only adults are served at Chez Hoodie, you know that it'll be spiked. (We don't know how, since we're afraid to ask.)

Chilian Edelman

Chef Belichick will specially select one of Julian Edelman's three chili recipes: Wide Receiver (mild), Special Teams (spicy), and Defensive Back (three-alarm fire).

Warning: The Defensive Back recipe may be dangerous for those guests with more delicate constitutions.

And, of course, every seating at Chez Hoodie ends with plenty of Humble Pie!

The views expressed in these FanPosts are not necessarily those of the writers or SBNation.

Log In Sign Up

Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Pats Pulpit

You must be a member of Pats Pulpit to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pats Pulpit. You should read them.

Join Pats Pulpit

You must be a member of Pats Pulpit to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pats Pulpit. You should read them.




Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.