In honor of our sponsor Bud Light, a new contest!

Today we salute you Mr. “Crazy Wealthy Owner”
(Mr. Craaaaaaaaaaaaazy Wealthy Owner)
You blow away the competition by trying to blow out your wallet
(21 million is just another numbeeeeeeer!)
While other owners tend to proceed with caution, you revel in tossing millions to people who are questionable at best… lazy at worst.
(What do you mean benched for cardio problems?)
You don’t think the Yankees go far enough,
if the roster doesn’t have most of money tied up in 3 people.. then it’s abject failure
(Can I pay all of Portis’s personalities?)
Some people can’t see the forest for the trees,
You say screw the trees I want to see the harbor, let’s knock those bastards down.
(Mr. Craaaaazy Wealthy Owneeeeeeer)

Today we salute you Mr. Dedicated Lions Fan
(Mr. Dedicated Liooooooons fan)
You bought season tickets hoping to find out Barry Sanders has unretired.. every season for 13 years.
(I pretty sure those legs work at 42)
While other fans think themselves tough for dealing with cold weather,
you scoff in your dome and say, “The only 0 I’ve seen was in the win column.. for 16 games”
(Can your weather man play quarterback?)
Despite it all, there’s hope now, the team is getting better,
and you don’t have to be afraid of the draft anymore.
(Not another damn receiver!)
One day your team will once again find the promised land of the playoffs.. maybe even the Super Bowl. If Barry would just get of his butt….
(Mr. Dedicated Lioooooooons Fan)

Today, we salute you “Eric Mangina.”
(Mr. Eric Mangina)
You thought you were better than BB, but it turns out fortune tellers don’t actually determine your future.
(You stupid idiotic doodoo heeeaaaaaaddddd)
While you thought you were better than BB, he just flashed his rings, and spanked you like a hooker the baby you were.
(How does that spanking feel Mr. Eric Mangiiinnnaaa)
You brought out spygate because you thought you can bring BB down. Oh wait? You have no Job now? And BB is building playoff contenders?
(Good thing he didn’t rat you out as weeeelllll)
Maybe someday BB will welcome you back…. when you kiss his rings and call him papa.
(Mr. Eric Mangiiinnaaaaaa)

Today, we salute you Mr. Jeff Saturday
(Mr. Jeff Saturdaaaaaay)
Week in and week out, you have the pleasure of knowing that a hall of famer is going to have to touch your sack to even get a chance at failing to get that next ring
(Hope you washed your hands)
You quietly tolerate ridicule and hatred from fans, the GM, and the man touching your genitalia as a job.. for every loss you take. Even if Manning throws 4 interceptions.
(where’s that big head come from? Oh…)(picture of manning forehead pops up and this happens)
You sometimes wish Manning would stop walking around so much after you took your stance. It feels like a prison shower and the warden is picking .. but you know where he’s coming.
(Hey look! Soooooooooooap!)
But that’s ok, maybe if you coddle the quarterback just right, he could win another. And you can get a fat free agent contract to run to a team worth a flip.
(Mr. Jeff Saturdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay)

(Mr. Network Draft Expert Guy)
All year long you sit around and watch college ball, just to see the cheerleaders
(Oh, check out those pom poms)
High motor? Elite speed? Good hip fluidity? It doesn’t matter, as long as his agent’s check clears.
(Hey, that’s lots of zeroes)
Why does a guy climb draft boards?
Because you say, “He’s climbing draft boards.”
(Dude has got some pitons)
Each year you look at teams and tell them just how stupid they were for not taking “your guy”,
and your hair looks while great doing it.
(Grab me More hair gEL)
So grab an ice cold Bud Light oh Guru of the Draft Day
You may only have to work three days out of the year,
but your pay day is all year long.
(Mr. Network Draft Expert Guy)

(Mr. Loudmouthed Head Coach Guy)
Every April you declare your team the Super Bowl Champs. Too bad the game is played in February.
(See my ring? It whistles!)
Big splash free agents? Banditos? Prima donnas? All are welcome on your team.
(Like gaaaasoline and water)
Locker room problems? There’s no distraction too big for you to hide with your incessant blathering.
(Don’t look behind the curtain)
Inept quarterbackl? Headcase cornerback? Please. Your wife’s a model, right?
(Just check out her pictures)
So grab an ice cold Bud Light oh Barker of the Bluster
If they gave rings for Bravado, you’d be the king of the bling.
(Mr. Loudmouthed Head Coach Guy)

They say "loose lips sink ships". But that’s not gonna happen on your watch.
(Keep this tub afloat now)
CIA? KGB? MI6? Please. They’ve got more holes than Buffalo’s offensive line.
(I can keep a secret)
Water boarding? Electric shock? Nothing will drag the injury report from you .. before Wednesday.
(Oh, the shoulder’s probable)
Best team in the league? Worst team in the league? You play each one the same … one week at a time.
(Oh, last so last week now.)
So grab yourself as ice cold Bud Light oh Master of Misdirection
There’s only one thing that will make you talk. Too bad you’re not telling.
(Mr. Secretive Head Coach Guy)