Phin Wars Episode V: The Empire Signs Chad
- The N.E. Deathstar takes control of the AFC East quadrant.
- The Jets bring in Rexa The Hut and break away from the rebellion
- The Front Office approves of the training of Chadakin Slowalker.
Last time on Phin Wars we discovered the plans to destroy the N.E. Death Star had been uploaded into the droid robot, Chad2D2, named and designed to resemble his creator Chadakin Slowalker. The slow-moving, robotic droid, which lacked leadership skills, had a message stored in it's memory drive that said "help us Obi Wan Dabolli, you're our only hope!" It was a message recorded by the Miami fan base and was to be delivered to Dabolli, their new hope...their new O.C. Also included were the plans on how Miami could destroy the N.E. Deathstar. The plans were studied for years by Dolfans. It took mass computing powers to assemble this plan of attack. Dolfans hired the most brilliant minds to come together for this common goal of dethroning the perennial AFC East Champions. The answer they came up with is...
WE NEED A MASTER JEDI (FRANCHISE) QUARTERBACK. This is the missing piece. Shocking! Isn't it? But after extensive research, this is what was concluded. How could the space craft architects for the N.E. Death Star have overlooked such a flaw in the design? Battle after battle, the Miami Rebellion competed and sometimes succeeded a victorious outcome, even without a Master QB of their own. Now, if only Slowalker could rise up and become Master QB Chadakin Slowalker, the balance would be restored and the Death Star could be destroyed.
The Empire was always looking to gain the edge on their enemies. Ocho Fett, a Trophy Hunter, was recruited by Darth Hoody to provide Grand Moff Brady, the commanding officer of the Death Star, an experienced receiver. Ocho Fett was a master receiver and decoder of encrypted electrical signals throughout the universe, which he used during his prior Lombardi Trophy missions. Ocho Fett danced with the stars throughout the universe in a galactic tango. This intimate pursuit was necessary in order to track down Slowalker and anybody else who opposed the Empire, as he was hired to do so.
The recruitment of Ocho Fett was just another one of Darth Hoody's mind tricks. He wants us to fear. He wants us to be angry. He wants us to be stressed. Master QB Yodarino passed down through his wisdom that fear leads to anger, anger leads to stress, stress leads to pot, pot leads to junk food, junk food leads to obesity, obesity leads to the Rexa The Hut figure (a step beyond obesity). Yodarino's infinite wisdom was undeniable. Through all of the fog which the dark side clouds our minds with, this much is clear. Darth Hoody is a sith bastard. A sith bastard indeed.
Miami has suffered many setbacks in their efforts against the Empire. Many quarterbacks have tried and none have succeeded, that is since the legend himself, Master QB Yodarino. The occasional breach in the Death Star's energy shield would occur through Miami's efforts, but over time it became more and more apparent that a Master QB we need.Young Slowalker, you must do, or do not...there is no try.
Recently, the Miami Rebellion has acquired some powerful allies and dangerous weapons of their own. The pieces seem to be in place now. Chewsaka, the impolite and frequently aggressive Wookie, the Bess Ray, the Millennium Marshall, the defensive force Cameron "Sacks QB's By His" Solo, the return of Taylor-Calrissian and Chadakin's newest weapon, the Bush Light...Saber. Sufficient enough? For a Master QB, this would be. We shall patiently wait until our journey to the snowy wasteland of Foxboroth on Monday Night Spaceball to find out if Obi-Wan Dabolli's training has payed off and improved young Chadakin's ways of quarterback. This will be Slowalkers first true test of the long, treacherous NFL season. This is where I leave you my friends. It is up to Chadakin to write the rest of the epic Phin Wars story. The fate of the franchise rests in that throwing arm of his. May the force be with you Chad!
Here's your Greatest Hits from "Phin Wars Episode IV: A New O.C. Thanks for the laughs and the suggestions! I wouldn't expect any less than these great ideas and great humor from my fellow Dolfans!
I'm_an_F18_bro "We’re still missing one of the greatest villains-Grand Moff Tarkin. He might be a good fit for Goodell.Yeah, I’m a huge nerd when it comes to Star Wars. It’s okay though, cuz I’ve actually kissed a girl before. Oh, and touched three boobs. How many Star Wars fans can make that claim?"
I'm_an_F18_bro "That would be a Jar Jar Crowder methinks
A big, loud mouth that everyone wishes would just go away. Yup, that sounds like Crowder to me."
Flip-her "I bet Netflix is wondering, why all the SW rentals. lol"
Flip-her "Darth Tuna… realizing his powers of expulsion over Calrissian Taylor were being drained by the pirates concealed hatred for Rexa… used what dark powers he had left… to ‘vanish’, before getting caught in the huge shift in the force! It is now known that an act of ‘scurrying away’, disrupts the darkside’s pull… which allowed for the escape and return of the pirate, Taylor. Although, severely weakened and battle scarred… Calrissian Taylor realized that "ONLY" by returning to the ‘Home Base’, would the force rejuvenate his powers. This also creating a "Force Aura", that can assist in the padawans around him in their training…. but for how long"
BULLieving in Miami "when’s the part where Vontae Solo is riding around on a Pon-Pon Soliai in the blizzard on Foxboroth (Hoth) and has to slice the Pon-Pon open to seek warmth and where is Leia in all this? J-Lo? I think we can put her in some seudo- Star Wars Dolphins garb have her be at Jetta the Rex’s mercy."