Bart Scott is so slow three toed sloths don't notice him as they speed past.

Bart Scott is so slow he qualifies for the 100 meter limp.

Bart Scott is so slow he considers molasses to be abrupt.

Bart Scott is so slow he is horrified at the speed of the line at the Registry of Motor Vehicles.

Bart Scott is so slow snails talk trash to him.

Bart Scott is so slow he needs to leave early to be late.

Bart Scott is so slow he considers the distance to the sideline an epic voyage.

Bart Scott is so slow by the time he logs on to a porn site the girls are eligible for Medicare.

Bart Scott is so slow Rex Ryan beats him to the cafeteria. (OK that's not so slow)

Bart Scott is so slow he enjoys the Southeast Expressway.

Bart Scott is so slow he likes watching water boil.

Bart Scott is so slow it takes him 3 hours to watch 60 Minutes.

Bart Scott is so slow State Troopers pull him over and ask him to pick up the pace.

Bart Scott is so slow he was once caught by a glacier.

Bart Scott is so slow he CAN WAIT!