Having to wait 2 months for the draft is a cruel fate and should be considered a crime against humanity. I toss my chapeau into the mock draft ring.

For whatever reason Philadelphia doesn't take a linebacker at 15, Kendall Wright is there and Desean is driving them insane. The Jets can't help themselves from picking a falling Trent Richardson at 16. Jim Brown would have trouble behind Wayne Hunter but I digress. Bill picks up the phone and deals 27 and 63 to the Raiders for 17. This just in, the New England Patriots have traded up (Area hospitals are clogged with heart attack victims) and with the 17th selection in the 2012 NFL draft they select....

17 Luke Kuechly LB Boston College An instinctive athletic player plugged in at OLB. He has the skill set to play safety, but I am afraid he'd take a life there. To eliminate controversy we would create a name for the position, not Elephant, maybe Tarantula? He crawls all over you and makes you want to vomit.

31 Fletcher Cox DL Mississippi State Need a 3-4 DE Maybe Brockers falls after a lackluster combine.

48 Chase Minnefield CB Virginia Another instinctive player with ball skills.

94 Harrison Smith S ND Please no more WR in the secondary. Don't make me beg.

4th David Molk C UM This is a good place for a WR, many are bound to fall. I may be the only Pulpiteer not in love with Konz, I don't think Hoodie spends for a center.

I hope they go 90% defense and sign a FA WR.

In the immortal words of Cam Newton, "Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh. WHAT!!"