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Is the NFL a Professional League Or Not?

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We're Sorry *sniff*
NFL Needs to Suck It Up

It happened, and it took only half a season.

The New England Patriots are so good, so feared, so above and beyond better than (most of) the rest of the league, some people are calling for a mercy rule.

Our tongue-in-cheek friend Matt Mosley over at ESPN's Hashmarks NFL blog has proposed "The Other Brady Bill" as one option to throttle down the Patriots offensive and defensive prowess (The defense gets no respect, do they?).

The only problem with this theory is that the league has already instituted rules to stop the best team of the millennium. After multiple Super Bowl runs, Indianapolis Colts vice president of bitching and moaning Bill Polian whined incessantly until the league changed rules to handcuff the Patriots defense.

Rules and laws are made to protect the incompetent from themselves. So the NFL passes rules to keep the Patriots -- the best (coached) team in the league -- from rightly dominating.

But you know what? You can pass whatever rules you want.

Mosley's rules, facetious as he intended them, aren't going to stop our second-string quarterback from running it in from FIFTEEN yards out.

I have an alternative.

In the third quarter, the Patriots can send out a 6-year-old girl in a pretty pink dress -- quarterback, running back, tight end, whatever. And when she scores, she can hand-deliver a little perfumy note to the opposing sideline saying, "I'm sorry I hurt your feelings."

In beating the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in the divisional series, the Boston Red Sox posted a cumulative score of 19-4. Include the first game of the American League Championship Series, they outscored the LAAoA and Cleveland Indians 29-7. In the final three games of the ALDS, the Sox outscored Cleveland 30-5. The World Series? The BoSox outscored Colorado 29-10. Combine the final 7 games, all wins, and the Red Sox outscored opponents 59-15.

Sounds like a Patriots score, doesn't it?

The only conclusion you can draw from such dominance is that the Sox are classless and the league should implement new rules to prevent it. The Red Sox should have been forced to bunt on every pitch, and their pitchers should only throw 70 mph pitches. Maybe intentionally walk the bases loaded to start an inning.

When an NBA team is up by 30, players like Kobe Bryant, Shaquille O'Neal, Kevin Garnett, Allen Iverson, should be relegated to the bench. Or we can make new rules for them, too. The leading team must shoot from beyond the 3-point arc, and their baskets are worth only 1 point. And the losers can't have fouls called against them (kind of like the way the Colts are never called for offensive holding).

After all, we don't want anyone to be embarrassed or "disrespected."

Better yet, let's follow T-ball rules. Let's not keep score at all.

"You're all winners!"

By the way, I just saw Steve Young on ESPN's Monday Night Countdown whining about "class" and how the Patriots should lay down once they have a big lead. What a joke. Too many blows to the head. Have a V8, Steve.

(Tom Jackson, too.)