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Armchair Head Coach - move over, Bill

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With eagle-eyed precision, I stare at my hi-def television and analyze every move on this 2 dimensional window into my sporting world.  Nary a play, block or route goes by that I don't immediately analyze in this elephant brain of mine.  Later, I consume stories written by "credentialed" media, formulate opinions and write and write and write.  Using keen wit and a high football IQ, I am able to gleen insight that the "real" coaches would find sublime.  Scribing with my fellow netizens, these pearls of wisdom are layed out for all to see.

And when it came time for roster moves and I was not consulted, I poo pooed moves thought to be uninspired.  Clearly, had I been contacted, I could've steered our New England Patriots in the proper direction, setting a course for a guaranteed SB win in Feb, 2009.

I turn down head coaching job after job, preferring the comfort of my recliner.  Soon, I grow reticent and care not to empart my knowledge to the unwashed footballers, these lemmings with headsets.  Oh, have pity on their souls, for they know not what they reap.

Truth be told, I'm a dumbass and Bill's the Supreme Leader of the Jedi Knights.  With one millionth the information and knowledge, I pass judgement on his moves.  Heck, he's only watched these players through countless hours of OTAs and TC practices as well as reviewing reel after reel of film on their every move.  Who's he to pass judgement on who stays, who goes and who he needs to acquire?  Uhhmm... Well, he's been standing on the sidelines since he was conceived.  Maybe that helps...a teensy weensy bit.

I'm reminded of this every time I watch "Patriots All Access" with Mike Lynch and it's time for the "Belistrator".  I get about 2 minutes into this and Bill turns into Professor Belichick.  Smoke comes out of Mike Lynch's ears as he tries to keep up and translate for the rest of us.  What ends up coming out of our Head Coach's mouth sounds more like, "As Asante read the route he frabble brack fritz bobble ding lang gamin chit rapt drup ifbit...and he made a nice tackle."  Bill is now moving between Martian and English, as far as I'm concerned.

Why is Gutierrez gone and not Cassel?  Bill knows.  Fernando Bryant packing his bags and Deltha O'Neal buying his first bowl of chowdah?  Ask Bill, but he probably doesn't feel the need to tell you.  Using my best Belichick imitation, he'd say something like, "We need to move the ball club forward.  Player XYZ worked hard all preseason, but in the end we needed someone to fit into the 53 man roster and had to make some decisions.  I'm sure another system will prove the ticket."

Doing a quick check on some of the players who were cut, noone's burning up the phone lines to grab them, which says Bill may have been right to release them.  As one of our illustrious co-writers says in her signature:

Keep the faith.