If you're a Patriots fan like me but couldn't bear to watch episode one of Jets Hard Knocks, I've taken one for the team in an effort to supply you with only the comical and anti-Jets moments. We'll spare you of all the Jet propaganda, brashness and actual highlights that we're led to believe actually happened in the last week.
What we learned after the jump.
First things first, I really do enjoy Rex Ryan. He's a players coach and pretty much the antithesis of Bill Belichick. He brings balance to the rivalry. I found myself saying "wow, that would never happen in Patriots camp" a lot.
Rex is everything you think he is, wielding a brash, "here we come" attitude and a sense of humor the players can apreciate. He keeps things loose, and I wonder if it's too loose.
Clearly when the Patriots and Jets meet they will be two teams who were forged at opposite ends of the spectrum.
Aside from the outstanding production value there was a lot of high comedy with the old J-E-T-S.
You might not believe this but Rex Ryan actually has quite the sweet tooth. He's even gone so far as to institute fines for eating junk food, I guess in an effort to save him from bursting his lapband.
Darrelle Revis' shadow looms over Jets camp more than I thought it would, which seems kinda dumb in retrospect, but as a Patriots fan I'm just numb to it. We move on no matter who's not in camp. Whether it's Logan Mankins or Deion Branch or Richard Seymour or Shawn Crable (I miss you, crazy legs).
Now I'm not so sure that Revis is back with bells on in episode three. Though I still kinda think this is somehow all just for the cameras. Mike Tannenbaum better stop pulling on what little hair he's got left up top or it's all gonna be gone. Revis is gonna make him bald because it doesn't sound like the sides are even close.
They must've run every single completion Sanchez has thrown in camp because his numbers have been pedestrian at best and he looked like next coming of Chad Pennington on the show. Brian Schottenheimer is even giving Sanchez leadership lessons on the side which had to be the unintentional comedy high-water mark for this episode.
Of course they had to roll in Jet legend Joe Namath, who was wearing his shorts up to his nipples. Of course Joe instantly diagnoses Sanchez's problem after two botched snap exchanges. The Jets staff then somehow let Joe into a film session where he pointed out that Santonio Holmes wasn't running hard enough through his routes. All the coaches looked like they were just paying lip service and laughing it off. But come on, isn't this the only Jet alive who's won a Super Bowl. He must know SOMETHING, right?
You know what I'm over? The Mark Sanchez sprinting up the field holding his index finger to the heavens as if to say "we are the number one team". He did it against us last season but I thought it was just a first time thing. It isn't. He did it all season long and now he's doing it in practice. Act like you've been there before dude.
Quick Terminator lesson for the Jets and their fans. John Conner wasn't the Terminator. He was the prophetized leader of the human resistance against Skynet. The Terminator was named T-800. You should really be calling him Edward Furlong, or Christian Bale, or even Nick Staal.
I have to say it is fun to get a look at the inner workings of an NFL franchise, especially the one I most want to beat. The Jets do have a lot of questions that not even a slick HBO production can cover up, but they will certainly be interesting to follow and fight.