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A Patriots Fans' Review of Jets Hard Knocks Episode 2: The Fattening

If you're in anyway feeling a little bit worried about the New York Jets I highly recommend you check out the epic second episode that culminates in Rex Ryan calling out his second team defense. It will put your nerves to rest.

The Jets new image has been carefully crafted by Rex Ryan from the start to be the big scary bully who's gonna beat you down and laugh while he's doing it. The entire NFL universe has collectively fallen for it. Pundits are picking them to win the AFC and even the Super Bowl, but as we get a better look inside the inner workings of this football franchise you see the cracks in their projected image.

I was left after this episode thinking I will be surprised if they beat the Patriots once this year. And I don't think either game will be close.

Episode one was just a small glimpse, my review of episode two after the jump...

Yesterday you heard Tom Brady talk about why he's so intense on every snap of practice. Tonight we saw Mark Sanchez talk about how much he loves orange candies, or get annoyed for having to pay an extra 59 cents for ranch sauce with his pizza, or most telling, act like a guilty fifth grader every time he gets constructive criticism.

And it's not just Sanchez, who seems like your average immature football dick, it's the whole team who leaves you feeling like this whole big mystery that is the 2010 New York Jets really could be combustible.

As my Patriots Princess said "it's like the whole team is just f'ing around," as she watched Kris Jenkins laughing his ass off as he drove by slo-mo in a golf cart.

And it wasn't just the day their punter had a hundred Shake Weights arrive at camp. Let me tell you, there's nothing more entertaining than watching LT2 look like he's giving himself a pearl necklace, front and back.

The show opened with the sentiment that practices have not been going well. Sanchez has struggled. Marty Schottenheimer called him sloppy. Even more telling was Marty's quote about second year quarterbacks.

"If you can get them back to the same level, you made progress".

Sanchez clearly wanted to get working on matching those 20 interceptions of 2009 by throwing one with his first pass of the preseason. Luckily Mark Brunell was there to remind him the games don't count yet.

Someone else whose head is spinning is Joe McKnight's. Joe is lost in a sea of confusion and it doesn't look like he's ever going to find shore. What is it with USC guys not being able to take criticism? Oh right, Pete Carroll.

Santonio Holmes implored Joe to ask the veterans for help, a good move by a Super Bowl winner who was acting like a one of the few real leaders there. But as the game results would confirm, McKnight is struggling. If Shonn Greene goes down for any length of time this team's "vaunted" running attack will be in trouble.

While Kyle Wilson is looking solid, Antonio Cromartie is having trouble just keeping track of his eight kids, five of whom are three. 2007 wasn't just a good year on the field for Al-Cro-traz.

The Jets coaches are begging Cromartie to play with an edge more consistently. But what can you do, some guys are just too scared to go down a water slide (finally his "wife" pushed him down it).

In Vernon Gholston news, the coaching staff decided to orchestrate a fight to try and bring the animal out in Big Vern. It was marginally succesful. Despite Rex Ryan's proclamations it looks like Gholston is still just barely making progress. I should point out that he took a voluntary contract reduction this year, which you have to respect. Unfortunately for Vern he might really need that money in about six months.

Everyone continues to call John Conner "The Terminator", which I've kind of accepted because you know at some point in the butchering of that once proud franchise they'll have one where John Conner actually is a Terminator. Whatever you call him he looks like a load, and I look forward to seeing Brandon Spikes and Jerod Mayo take him on.

Overall it's hard not to feel that no matter how much of it is editing, the loosie goosie moments that are happening at Jets camp are not happening anywhere near Patriots camp. To my biased eyes the Patriots look like a team of men, locked in on football. The Jets look caught up in their own hype. And someone better tell Rex if he doesn't stop jamming the handfuls of M&Ms down his gullet his lapband's going to need a lapband.

I already can't wait for episode three, my predicted "Return of Revis" episode. We'll see..