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Breaking: Welker Still Speaking With Belichick

Breaking: News has surfaced of an ongoing conversation between Bill Belichick and Wes Welker.

Casey Sapio-USA TODAY Sports

One of the shockwaves of this off-season was the departure of Wes Welker to the Denver Broncos, accompanied by the ensuing fallout in the Patriots clubhouse. Tom Brady was furious and owner Bob Kraft spoke out against Welker’s agent due to the negotiations.

News has surfaced that Welker’s departure is slightly more insidious in nature. An unnamed source has come out of the woodwork and is believed to have an in with the Patriots front office, and an unnatural familiarity with the Broncos clubhouse.

"People believe that Welker and the Patriots broke up on bad terms," the source was quoted as saying. "But they’re closer than you could imagine. They still talk on a daily basis."

Welker was beloved in the Patriots club house and was known for his antics and, as one of Belichick’s "foot soldiers" in New England, Welker became a fan favorite. Brady was his best friend and they were known to go on vacations. An early question was how the Patriots would be able to work with this broken off relationship, but it seems there might be other plans.

"Brady still plans on vacationing with Welker," the source stated. "Kraft won’t know and I don’t know if he’d approve, but Brady’s going to go ahead with the vacation. Brady says he wants to determine his surfboard wax based on Peyton Manning’s facial products- he needs to know how to keep such a large surface area shiny."

Welker, known as "Snipes" to those close to him, has no comment on their vacation plans, but the source says that Welker’s relationship with the Patriots is already paying dividends.

"Belichick knew what he was doing. Only one player in the league was small enough and shifty enough to get inside John Elway’s office and hide inside his desk drawer on March 14th. You don’t think the fax machine really had an issue, right?"

Welker has been busy this off-season, swiping chips at craps tables in Las Vegas, preemptively tying Eric Decker’s shoelaces together, and is currently speaking with former teammate Logan Mankins to figure out how to prevent Ryan Clady from signing his franchise tag and showing up to camp on time.

Additionally, the source believes that Welker has no intention of ever suiting up for the Broncos. "Welker made an under the table deal with Brandon Stokely that allows Stokely to remain with Peyton and on the football field. Stokely will take the field wearing #83 because, let’s be seriously, no one can tell the difference between those white slot receivers.

"I believe he’s planning on taking his model wife and heading to Rio well before the Olympics to have some R&R and take some dance lessons."