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The Lions Try to Describe Rob Gronkowski; So We Make Everyone Else Describe Him, Too

The Lions are tasked with stopping Rob Gronkowski. Here's what they think they're up against.

Thomas J. Russo-USA TODAY Sports

The Lions know they have their hands full with Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski.

"He's Gronk," said Lions slot receiver Jeremy Ross, to Detroit News. "The name fits him. He's just this guy who's this meathead dude who goes in and catches the ball and just makes plays.

"He's like, 'I'm Gronk. I'm going to get in there, I'm going to throw people off me, I'm going to score and do whatever I can to make plays. And that's what he does."

Personally, I think that's a pretty good description of Gronk, although Gronk might think that's generous. After scoring the backbreaking touchdown against the Colts, the "effervescent" tight end (descriptor from My Mother Belichick) was caught on tape with the following explanation for his ridiculous run.

"I don’t even know how I did that," Gronkowski said on the sideline. "I juked, like, five people- I have no clue. I told [Aaron Dobson] he’s gonna see something I’ve never done before in my life this game- that I don’t even know that I could do. Then he goes, 'Wow, you just did it.'"

When asked about trying to stop Gronk, Lions free safety Glover Quin could only point to the entire defense.

"It's a team effort. Everybody chips in. Obviously, when we get him in situations where he's having to block, our defensive ends, we've got to rough him up. When we get him in situations where he catches the ball, we've got to make sure we're hitting him. When we've got him in situations where we're covering him, we've got to make sure we're covering him."

Everyone has to pay attention to Gronk because that's the type of player that Gronk has become. Ross, Dobson, and, yes, Gronk himself all share in the same beautiful wonder that is Rob Gronkowski. You can't talk about Gronk without putting on a- to borrow from Ross- meathead voice. He loves the game and the game continues to hit him in the mouth. And then Gronk keeps on loving.

In the spirit of the week, I asked everyone to describe Gronk in the Gronkiest of terms.

Here are the results.

First the e-mails...

My Rob Gronkowski haiku:

Good at the football,

A quintessential meathead:

He is called The Gronk

-Caroline, NYC, future doctor

Golden retriever turned human.

-Andrew, Boston

Golden human turned retriever.

-Greg, Boston

(editor's note: I can't think of a better combination than these two.)

Gronk should be an adjective in the dictionary: "You got Gronked!" Or "let's get Gronked." Nobody Gronks like him.

-Richard, Atlanta

The most complete player and biggest matchup nightmare in the entire NFL.

-RL3, Atlanta

Stud on the field, and ABSOLUTE BRO off the field.

-Alexander, Virginia

Professional bouncer.

-Erica, Chicago

...then the Party...

...the Creation...

...and the Ballplayer.

Gronk is one half football player, one half beast, one half meathead, and one half party. He is a creation from a lab that was built to destroy.

He doesn't know why he does the things he does; he just does them. He's a headache for opponents and a complete nuisances for defensive coordinators. He can take over games and and completely dominate the league.

Gronk does what Gronk wants. He loves this game and he's going to force everyone else to love it as much as he does- and if not, then he'll throw you out of the club.