Pulpiteers, your prayers have been answered. Now in this time of great boredom, I say to you: your prayers have been answered.
Long have you awaited a sign that this season was going to be different. That things were going to change. That Bill Belichick would answer the call and bring forth a tight end of might stature to pair with Sir Robert of the Gronkowski clan.
Ye of much faith, time did pass over this past weekend. Thursday, the sun rose, the clock ticked, and the Patriots did forsake the tight end position. Friday, the sun rose a second time, the clock ticked, and the Patriots did again forsake the tight end position.
Saturday, the third day, with much wailing and gnashing of teeth, we help out hope that Belichick would not forsake us thrice.
But it would not be so and those of us with little understanding of the greater machinations of a football franchise were lost for words. How could Belichick deny us three times (and deny SlotMachinePlayer, like, probably a hundred more)?
People, I say to you: your prayers have been answered. Bill Belichick did not ignore our cries for help in the darkest of days, for he has not just brought in a tight end of the highest cranial capacity.
No, my friends, Belichick did bring forth a tight end who is a hybrid long snapper. If that is not a sign that the future is bright, then there are no signs that would warm the cockles of your heart.
Harvard's Tyler Ott represents all that is good with the Patriots. He started his career as a tight end and played on special teams. He developed into the team's long snapper for his final three seasons. As a senior, injuries thrust him into a larger role where he was 5th on the team in receptions per game (~2), 6th on the team in yards per game (~23.5), and 2nd on the team in touchdowns (4). And he's wicked smaht.
People, you have been looking for a sign. Yeah, I say to you, Ott is that sign. The tight end. The long snapper. The new face of our franchise.
Also, as a side note, when I searched for pictures of "Harvard", there were five results. Three of them were Tom Brady.