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Hi kids!
Are you sick of your running backs running into a wall of linemen for a loss of yards?
Does your old, boring quarterback only make routine runs for a safe gain?
Well, maybe it's time to update to the newest model, and, boy, is it a beauty!
Presenting, the new Jimmy Garoppolo! Old quarterbacks sometimes run like they have cement feet, or like they're wearing comfortable Uggs boots on the field. Running backs are so last season.
With Jimmy Garoppolo, you can have the excitement of a quarterback with the skull crunching hits of your every day running back!
Garoppolo is not only proven to extend drives, but also meets the highly rigorous "Cutie-Patootie" standards, set by Marima. While Garoppolo is still in its testing stages, preliminary results are extremely positive. Teams are seeing an increase in first downs, broken tackles, and broken hearts.
While results with Garoppolo aren't always consistent, users have shown a large increase in first round byes, divisional titles, and turnover of divisional coaches.
Garoppolo isn't for everyone. Ask your General Manager if Garoppolo is right for you.
GAROPPOLOOOOOO pic.twitter.com/eF0nLWbSjS
— Rich Hill (@PP_Rich_Hill) January 2, 2015
Hey, due to the lack of quality in Week 17, there won't be a GIF of the week. Hope you enjoy this infomercial.