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Patriots Draftnik Unsure of First Round Mock Draft

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In the most unheralded aspect of the DeflateGate saga, the little people are forgotten.

Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

It's not easy to be a small fish in a big pond. It only makes it more difficult when the pond-sharks take away your only form of substinance.

Those associated with the New England Patriots are taking the heavy news about DeflateGate with the aplomb of an anvil, but none are more weighed down than those in the NFL Draft community.

"I don't know what to do right now, man," NEPD's Mark Boyko said in an interview. "I had the Patriots penciled in at 32nd overall, and now my entire first round mock is worthless. It's gone."

When pressed for insight as to what the loss of the Patriots first pick would mean for mocks in the upcoming season, Boyko noted, "The Patriots were always used for filler when a player fell that I thought would be a good fit on another team. I could just, you know, mock a trade down for the Patriots and win some brownie points."

Indeed, the expanse of DeflateGate's fallout has no limits.

"I had the Patriots taking a tall cornerback out of LSU in the first," explained ESPN's Bobby McFlay. "It was either that, or another weapon for Tom Brady. But if the Patriots don't have a first round pick, how are we going to give them more weapons?!"

McFlay's colleague at ESPN, Kel Draper, highlighted a different aspect of concern.

"We've only had to do one 31-player mock since 2002," Draper said, voice clearly quivering in rage. "This changes the game. How are we expected to adjust to this new landscape in such short notice? How are we going to give grades when one of the teams receives an incomplete?"

Hopefully the draftnik community can survive such a tragic change, and become better for it.

"Maybe I can have the Patriots trade back into the first," Boyko said. "That would be exciting to read."

It is unknown if the Patriots are allowed to trade back into the first, per the language of the league's ruling. The NFL's office refused to make any available for comment, or at least that's what my mom said.