In an astonishing development, it turns out that Bill Belichick is actually a member of the Dark Side. A website called Fancam offers a 360, super high definition picture of Gillette Stadium during the Jaguars game and of course Belichick was up to something fishy.
Do you see it?
How about now?
IT'S EMPEROR PALPATINE! IT'S DARTH SIDIOUS!
IT'S BILL BELICHICK!
Search in your heart, you know it to be true. Bill Belichick has found a way to clone himself so he can use the force to control the plays on the field. He is camouflaging behind a middle-aged New Englander wearing tie-dye and using a flip phone because it's the least suspicious place to be in the stadium.
But we caught you, Bill. We caught you red handed.
And at this point, I'm okay with it. There's something unnatural about how often the Patriots win and it's clear that Tom Brady is the Darth Vader to Belichick's Darth Sidious. The entire Patriots dynasty is the result of the force.
Based on cannon, Eli Manning is clearly Han Solo. So I guess that makes Peyton Manning Chewbacca.