Are you interested in becoming a sports journalist? Is your dream to ask New England Patriots head coach Bill Belichick a sports question?
Q: It's been almost exactly a year since Deflategate. Have you changed the way you've handled footballs on the sideline and before and after games?
Belichick: We do it the way the league outlines us to do it, just like everybody else does it.
Translation: Is this a serious question? But really, where have you been this whole season?
Q: Has anyone from the league contacted you about transportation or inflation procedures for the game this week?
Belichick: I've never been a part of those conversations ever.
Translation: Oh, go take a long walk off a short pier.
Q: Do you feel like other teams have made more inquiries about how you guys do things since the scandal last year?
Belichick: You'd have to ask them.
Translation: What the hell am I supposed to say to this?
Q: How effective have the headsets been since the issues at the first game at Gillette Stadium?
Belichick: You'd have to ask the other teams that use them.
Translation: Do you also think the moon landing was fake?
Q: Have your headsets been working well?
Belichick: I'd say every week, home or away, it's not uncommon for something to come up. There are a lot of different systems now that each team has on the sideline, so between all of them there's usually something that needs to be adjusted or do something with, I don't know.
Translation: If you think that this only happens in New England, I have an oceanfront property in Oklahoma I want to sell you.
And you can bet your last dollar that the person who asked Belichick one of the above questions also tossed a softball to Kansas City Chiefs head coach Andy Reid:
Q: Do you have to have backup plans in case any strange things come up, when it comes to headset communication or any sort of weird stuff?
Reid: Listen, I don't worry about all that stuff. I don't get into all that. I've played over there so many times and we used to play up there every year in the preseason, during the season. I mean, sometimes there's a problem. When I was in Green Bay, we had a problem with it there. We had it at home, and the away team had it. Played New York, it was the same way both sides, and sometimes that stuff happens. We've just got to get ready to play a good football team.
Q: What have your previous experiences been like at Gillette Stadium?
Reid: They've been good. I haven't had any issues there. I mean, I've heard of things happening, but I haven't had any of those problems.
Pro tip, there's enough going on this week that you don't have to rehash some false scandal from the offseason. And if you're thirsty for a hot take, there's some warm Gatorade on the sideline.