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Thursday Night Football Ravens vs Dolphins: Live updates and Patriots rooting guide

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Squish the fish.

NFL: New England Patriots at Miami Dolphins Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports

The (3-4) Baltimore Ravens host the (4-2) Miami Dolphins for Thursday Night Football. Kickoff is at 8:25 PM ET on CBS, NFL Network, and Amazon Prime. The Ravens are 3-point favorites and the over/under is set at 37. This could get painful.

The Ravens and the Dolphins are tied for last in the NFL with 4.3 yards per play. They rank 31st and 32nd in yards per game and 26th and 29th in offensive DVOA and 23rd and 31st in points scored. It doesn’t really matter which offense is technically better ranked because they’re both atrocious.

Defensively, the Dolphins and Ravens are pretty good. Miami ranks 6th in points allowed per game and 10th in yards allowed per game and 22nd in defensive DVOA. Baltimore ranks 13th in points allowed and 18th in yards allowed per game and 5th in defensive DVOA. This has the makings of a low scoring affair.

Of course that means that this is going to be a 30-30 fireworks display that will go down as one of the most memorable games of the season.

The New England Patriots want the Ravens to win because the Dolphins are currently the Black Knight from Monty Python and they’re still alive in the AFC despite not actually having a chance. Just end it, please.