clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Get a load of this guy whining about Tom Brady’s Aston Martin deal

At least one auto writer is NOT happy that Aston Martin and Tom Brady are working together.

New England Patriots Victory Parade Photo by Billie Weiss/Getty Images

Anyone who spent too much time on Gran Turismo or Forza Motorsport in their youth needs no introduction to Aston Martin - the current vehicle of James Bond (speaking of throwbacks, remember the Goldeneye edition of the BMW Z3? HA!) and it’s a pretty safe bet that most of us would absolutely rock an Aston Martin DB11 or Vanquish if we got, I don’t know, maybe 10 promotions? When a BAMF supercar company hires the greatest quarterback to ever lace up his cleats to endorse your cars, that’s the best offseason news that Patriots Nation could ask for, aside from Brandin Cooks, obviously.

Think about it: you can clown on Tom endorsing UGGs if you want, but here’s the deal: he doesn’t exactly endorse everything under the sun, in contrast to a *certain* quarterback rival of his. According to Bleacher Report, Brady’s endorsements consist of a rather exclusive list of Under Armour, the aforementioned UGGs, Tag Heuer watches, and Beautyrest Black mattresses.

Hmmmmm, not exactly Papa Johns, Nationwide insurance, DirecTV, Buick, and Visa, right?

Anyway, Tom Brady signing on with Aston Martin just makes so much sense, especially with him designing - wait for it - a special edition Vanquish S that they’ll only make 12 of. What’s not to like?

Well, according to one auto blogger who woke up on the wrong side of the couch this morning, EVERYTHING.

(Full disclosure: this is the first result that comes up when you Google “Aston Martin Tom Brady”. The original point of this post was to talk about how sick it is that Brady is making perhaps the most exclusive run of luxury supercars on the planet. But hey, sometimes you have to make, shall we say, halftime adjustments?)

According to the site “The Truth About Cars” (site? blog? livejournal? Myspace? I dunno), Brady and Aston Martin is just the worst thing since the dude romper.

The headline?

“Aston Martin mistakenly casts Tom Brady as a brand ambassador.”

That’s a spicy meatball! Let’s see where they go from there:

(This is after the dude starts with the premise that the NFL is best suited to promoting F-150s)

“So, when I found out that Aston Martin — one of the most sophisticated brands in history — was making Tom Brady the face of its next advertising campaign, I was understandably upset.”

OK, seems like a weird thing to grind your gears, but why?

“Brady is a Cadillac CTS at best — yet Aston saw fit to place him right next to a $215,000 DB11 as part of its new “Category of One: Why Beautiful Matters” campaign like he f***ing belongs there.”

Shots fired!

“Firstly, Aston Martin needs a “face” about as much as Ferrari does. The brand should speak for itself as often as possible. I get that Aston is building a crossover and wants to grab more of the market but so does Lamborghini — and it’s approaching the matter without tapping celebrities with a gee-shucks persona.”

That almost makes sense, he’s correct that most supercars like Ferraris, Porsches, and Lambos don’t have superstar endorsements, because superstars are already driving them anyway.

But then there’s this!

“Besides, Aston Martin already has the coolest celebrity endorsement in the business with its James Bond connection. Granted, Bond is entirely fictional, but take a moment to compare the two anyway.”

Um. Pick one. Does Aston Martin need a face of the franchise, or not?

But hey, I’m still game, let’s see why:

In one corner, we have a mysterious, impeccably dressed killing machine that spends every second playing by his own rules. In the other, we have Tom Brady — an extremely talented athlete whose biggest claim to fame is that he’s one of the few high-profile NFL players that hasn’t committed a violent crime. While that’s admirable, I have a suspicion it has more to do with his not being burdened with human emotions than being a moral person.

There’s more, too!

Brady is also willing to endorse anything with a paycheck attached to it, including UGG brand shoes and specialty biometric pajamas that are supposed to somehow “energize” you overnight.

See above.

Alright, I’m going to come clean. I never really put aside my personal bias against Tom. There was a point where I thought I had pulled it off but now I’m just angrily looking through photos of him smiling with that toddler-sized mouth he has the audacity show in public. It must take that guy a week to eat a single ear of corn.

Aaaaahhhhh, there we go. Sip that Haterade!

Brady’s statement on signing the Aston Martin deal didn’t go over well with Buzz Killington either.

Tom: “Aston Martin exemplifies dedication to the craft of car making through a meticulous attention to detail,” Brady said. “While 104 years of heritage are reflected in each hand-built car, with product from the DB11 to the Aston Martin Valkyrie, this brand is primed to excel for the next 100 years as well. As a long-time fan and driver I am honored to join the Aston Martin team at this special moment in the company’s history.”

Dude: “That sounds like a totally organic, unprompted, natural response. I’m livid.”

Geeesh, this guy’s a serious frontrunner to challenge Taylor Swift for the title of Chief Ambassador of Zero Chill.

At least Taylor had a breakup or three to complain about.