Real talk: nobody cares about your fantasy team.
Except us! We’re here for you, and even if talking about it it makes everyone start checking their phone when they’re talking to you at parties, now is the time to get it off your chest.
And by “it”, we want to hear the most ridiculous things that have ever happened to you playing this stupid game that we all love even though we usually lose our money and spend our nights watching 49ers-Jaguars in hopes of 0.5 more points. We’re not talking just this year, either - let’s hear your all-time best, worst, most improbable, most humiliating, or flat-out bizarre fantasy football stories.
Let’s be clear about one thing, though - these stories need to be next-level bad.
Or good, if you lucked out on something outlandish that’ll never happen again like the fantasy version of Stephon Diggs vs. the Saints in last year’s playoffs.
Hey, sometimes you’re Stephon Diggs in that video, sometimes you’re the Saints safety tackling his own dude. It happens.
What’s the point, aside from some good old-fashioned catharsis and not-humble bragging? The Pats Pulpit staff has already sent me some of their submissions, and once we get yours, we’re going to pool them all together and make one giant jambalaya of insane stories to get you through pretending to work next week or enjoying some well-earned time off with family and friends. Or, if your family and friends beat your ass senseless in fantasy all season long and rubbed it in your face while you had a worse season than the New York Jets, you’ll surely feel better after blowing your stack to the world and getting it off your chest here.
Here’s an example, just to set the tone.
Fantasy playoffs, and it comes down to Cowboys vs Giants on Monday Night Football. I need to make up 8 points to win, but all I have is Dan Bailey, the longtime Dallas kicker. Bailey kicks 2 gimme field goals for 6 points, and the ‘Boys are driving down the field at the end of the game to kick the game-winning field goal. Keep in mind Bailey was pretty much automatic at the time.
The kick is up, and...it’s good! 4 points for Bailey and this guy’s moving on to the semifinals!
....Except Tom Caughlin had called a timeout as the ball was being snapped to ice the kicker, which, statistically speaking, has zero effect on the kicker’s accuracy. Bailey goes back out to kick again...and shanks it a mile wide. Giants win, and your faithful author loses and gets bounced from the playoffs. To a Kentucky Wildcats fan.
Let’s have it, Pulpit readers. DO YOUR WORST.
(if you’d rather go for surprise value once we pool ‘em all, you can DM them to me on Twitter @somecallmegoose or email them to email@example.com)