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Get ready for the ‘Julian Edelman cheats just like the rest of the Patriots’ taunts

The Patriots are cheating again, according to the haters. Get ready to hear about it for the next decade and a half.

Super Bowl LI - New England Patriots v Atlanta Falcons
Now we know why Edelman can throw the ball so well. It’s obviously all those PEDs he’s taking.
Photo by Mike Ehrmann/Getty Images

Welcome to another year of being a New England Patriots fan.

Once again, the Pats are in the middle of a “scandal” that 95 percent of America probably won’t shut up about any time soon. Their No. 1 receiver – and one half of the world’s greatest bromance (the other half obviously being Tom Brady) – Julian Edelman has been dealt a four-game suspension to start the 2018 season because he apparently violated the NFL’s performance enhancing drug policy.

Now, apparently whatever it was that came up in Edelman’s drug test was an unknown substance. Not PEDs, an unknown substance. Edelman himself even said he had no idea how this whole debacle happened, and it seemed like a legitimate statement. I think it’s pretty obvious that the 32-year-old receiver had no intention of cheating here.

It doesn’t matter though. Julian Edelman is a cheater, just like Tom Brady, Bill Belichick and the rest of the Patriots. At least, that’s what they will all be saying for the next God-knows-how-long. Even if Edelman’s failed drug test turns out to be nothing, this is just another thing for “them” to add to the list of ways the Patriots cheat.

That’s just how America likes to react to things like this. It’s been 11 years since Spygate, and yet you still hear about it. It’s been over three years since Deflategate, arguably the most embarrassing debacle in the history of sports, and yet you can’t have a conversation with a non-Patriots fan without them telling you that Brady will deflate his balls as soon as he gets the chance. And yeah, I always get a nice chuckle when they phrase it like that.

Eventually, there might even be a nickname for Edelman’s incident. Maybe they’ll call it “Unknownsubstancegate.” And no matter what that substance turns out to be … even if it turns out to be totally harmless … it was always just another way for the Patriots to cheat. Hell, it was probably Belichick that put Edelman up to it. But now that they got caught, Belichick will probably throw Edelman right under the bus like he did with Brady after they got busted for Deflategate.

Sports fans are hilarious. Remember that one time when Peyton Manning tested positive for PEDs? It was discussed for about a day, then everybody swept it under the rug and went back to worshipping Manning as if he were a Greek god. But nobody will ever shut up about Brady and the deflated footballs, because apparently never being proven guilty of deflating footballs is much, much worse than testing positive for PEDs.

So get ready for the taunts that will be coming all year long. If Edelman’s suspension is upheld and he returns to action in Week 5, then get ready for opposing fans to yell “The cheater is back!” as he takes the field. When the Patriots find themselves in the AFC Championship Game for the eighth straight year, get ready for “Of course they made it here, all of their players are on steroids. Damn cheaters!”

Same old Patriots. Always trying to cheat, right?

I think my eyes are all rolled out at this point.