MADDEN SEASON IS THE REASON MY HANDS TOUCHED YOUR FACE!
That kid that just got the receiving end of Kevin Hart’s best Rick James “cooold blooooooooded” probably should grab some burgers to the tune of 10,000 calories per day, hit the gym, pack on the pounds, and go for an offensive lineman scholarship somewhere. Exceptional body control and discipline to not just immediately clock Kevin right in the face, or at least push him down the stairs. That dude’s never jumping offsides on a fake snap count or some OMAHA thing.
Anyways, fellow nerds, the complete Madden ‘19 player ratings were released earlier this week, and if you looked at the team ratings last month where only the Eagles were rated a 90 overall and everyone else checked in at 84 (New England) or below (everyone else) and wondered if an intern fell asleep on the keyboard, you weren’t the only one. Now that the full player ratings are out, let’s take a look at how the only team we all set as our default squad on release day turned out.
And hey, we’ve got time, so let’s run down the Patriots lineup all the way from the 99-seems-low Tom Brady and 99-overall Rob Gronkowski all the way down to the “D+ isn’t a grade they like to give out” rated players like...you know what, let’s take a chill break on the Jordan Richards jokes for a bit. The man has suffered enough already.
Tom Brady (QB) - 99 overall
Still slower than all of his offensive linemen at 61 overall speed, but in a nod to Brady putting on a clinic despite getting the quinoa knocked out of him last year, Brady’s throwing stats are basically the same as last year’s game when he reigned as Super Bowl MVP. Check this out:
Madden ‘18: 99 Short Accuracy, 98 Medium Accuracy, 87 Deep Accuracy
Madden ‘19: 99 Short Accuracy, 97 Medium Accuracy, 86 Deep Accuracy
Also, Brady has a higher catch rating than Nick Foles!
Rob Gronkowski (TE) - 99 overall
Sean Davis tested, Sean Davis approved.
Devin McCourty (FS) - 92 overall
Checking in at 85 in man coverage and 87 in zone coverage, run whatever defense you want and let D-Mac do...basically exactly what he does in real life, which is whatever New England needs him to be.
Julian Edelman (WR) - 88 overall
85 speed, but a 91 juke rating seems a lot more Squirrel-like.
Stephon Gilmore (CB) - 87 overall
Jason McCourty (CB) - 87 overall
Guess who else is an 87? Malcolm Butler.
Trey Flowers (RE) - 86 overall
They must be reading the Pats Pulpit film breakdowns. You’re welcome.
Danny Shelton (DT) - 85 overall
David Andrews (C) - 84 overall
Adrian Clayborn (LE) - 84 overall
If that 88 Power Moves on Clayborn is accurate, he might even be able to sack someone besides Dak Prescott!
Dont’a Hightower (LOLB) - 84 overall
Bit low for High coming off the injury, and STILL a 94 at tackling.
Patrick Chung (SS) - 83 overall
Hightower’s Hit Power is rated 90. Chung’s is an 84. Do with that what you will.
(And by that I mean a cover-1 safety blitz)
Stephen Gostkowski (K) - 83 overall
Chris Hogan (WR) - 83 overall
Shaq Mason (RG) - 83 overall
Mason’s Pro Football Focus grade for 2017? 83.0
James White (HB) - 83 overall
Trent Brown (RT) - 82 overall
Malcolm Brown (DT) - 82 overall
Marcus Cannon (RT) - 82 overall
San Fran burnout Trent Brown and 2016 second-team All-Pro Marcus Cannon are rated the same? Seems rude.
Dwayne Allen (TE) - 81 overall
And with an 84 Catch rating, natch! Ol’ Dwayne’s been holding out on us!
Ryan Allen (P) - 80 overall
Duron Harmon (FS) - 80 overall
Not too far behind McCourty and Chung in man or zone, but the worst tackler out of the trio.
Joe Thuney (LG) - 79 overall
Rex Burkhead (HB) - 79 overall
84 speed is awfully low for a running back, especially with Mike Gillislee coming in at 88. Right?
Lawrence Guy (DT) - 78 overall
Mike Gillislee (HB) - 77 overall
Jordan Matthews (WR) - 77 overall
Not sure whether his 83 catching and his 82 catch in traffic is a backhanded compliment or not...throw it to Matthews when he’s open, or when he’s not open, it’s whichever. Or something.
Sony Michel (HB) - 77 overall
Will Tye (TE) - 77 overall
Isaiah Wynn (LT) - 77 overall
Before everybody FREAKS OUT about Michel and Wynn, any rookie in Madden that’s not Top 10 tends to get the shaft until they start tweaking the game throughout the season. Michel’s still the fastest back on the team at 90 speed. And Wynn’s run-blocking smokes Trent Brown, so there’s that.
James Develin (FB) - 76 overall
NOTE: While it is impossible to measure GRIT, Develin has a higher Strength rating than Shaq Mason, Rob Gronkowski, Malcom Brown, Adrian Clayborn, Dont’a Hightower, Trey Flowers, Joe Thuney, Isaiah Wynn, and David Andrews, so, close enough.
Jeremy Hill (RB) - 76 overall
Jonathan Jones (CB) - 76 overall
Tied for fastest man on the team with two other players at 95 speed. Phillip Dorsett is one. The other one will make you draft dorks smile.
Kyle Van Noy - (ROLB) - 76 overall
Cordarrelle Patterson (WR) - 75 overall
Phillip Dorsett (WR) - 76 overall
Member #2 of the 95-speed club. And as Tom Brady would probably agree with, all three route-running categories are in the 70s, and with a 60s Release stat, it’s not a matter of the old “Does he have Tom Brady’s TRUST???”, it’s more a matter of “Is he actually any good at football? Eh, maybe?”
Malcolm Mitchell (WR) - 75 overall
Cody Bojorquez (P) - 74 overall
Bill Belichick approves.
Marquis Flowers (ROLB) - 74 overall
Deatrich Wise (RE) - 74 overall
Just as many pressures in 2017 as Myles Garrett, and this is the thanks Wise gets.
Eric Rowe (CB) - 74 overall
Kenny Britt (WR) - 73 overall
Adam Butler (DT) - 73 overall
Elandon Roberts (MLB) - 73 overall
Duke Dawson Jr (CB) - 72 overall
Duke’s a 79 in Man Coverage and a 74 in Zone Coverage, which is better in both regards than...
Cyrus Jones (CB) - 71 overall
I’m still on the Cyrus Jones Could Improve in 2018 bandwagon. If anyone else shows up, we’ll get some pizza and/or go on a beer run.
Oh, and about that third guy with 95 speed we teased earlier...
Keion Crossen (CB) - 69 overall