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The grown adult who shined a laser pointer at Tom Brady is getting charged

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Shouldn’t have done that, bro

AFC Championship - New England Patriots v Kansas City Chiefs Photo by Ronald Martinez/Getty Images

By now you’ve probably seen that the Kansas City police figured out who it was that was pointing a laser pointer at our lord and savior Tom Brady during the AFC Championship Game against the Chiefs in January and charged him with disturbing the peace. Dude’s idiotic stunt could cost him up to $1,000 in fines or a year in jail (yikes!), so while the former would certainly put a dent in the ol’ wallet for a while, imagine the latter and having to explain to your boss “Yeah, I might be going away for a while...to jail”

So whatever happens to this dude is what it is. Let’s just appreciate a different part of this admittedly absurd story for a second.

From the NFL.com news story:

Jackson County prosecutors said in a press release on Tuesday that 64-year-old Dwyan Morgan was ticketed and faces up to a year in jail or a fine up to $1,000, per the Kansas City Star.

Enhance....

64-year-old Dwyan Morgan was ticketed and faces up to a year in jail or a fine up to $1,000, per the Kansas City Star.

Enhance....

64-year-old Dwyan Morgan was ticketed

Enhance one more time....

64-year-old Dwyan Morgan

THIS IS A 64 YEAR OLD GROWN ADULT HUMAN getting charged here!

I can’t be the only one who assumed it was just some dumb rich Missouri kid whose dad let him get into the hard stuff at the tailgate, right? Maybe the age when you think throwing snowballs at passing cars or hitting each other in the back with folding chairs is a cool idea? Or even a college kid that’s recently discovered the Infinity Stone power of energy drinks and clear alcohol?

Nope, this dude has spent 64 years on the third rock from the sun that we call planet earth. That means he’s old (and obviously NOT wiser) than a lot of our parents, maybe even some of our grandparents, and it wasn’t THAT long ago that 65 was the age when you were supposed to get your gold watch and retire.

Retire!

This guy’s almost as old as your gramps was when he decided it was time to quit that whole “working 50 hours a week” thing and play some golf and grill all the meats and drive a Cadillac and give you wise sage advice like “Son, I asked your grandma to dance with me at the Pinewood City 4th of July Jamboree and she was just a little firecracker, that one, and look how that turned out!”

Nope, instead this guy spends his time somehow acquiring tickets to one of the most hyped AFC Championship Games of the past decade, decides to bring along what most of us thought was a toy in middle school, and, well, next thing you know, you’re probably either out some cash or spending a few weeks in the can. Yikes.

Actually, you know what, I’m certainly not a legal expert aside from getting out of a few speeding tickets, but what I really hope is neither of those things happens and the judge decides on some community service instead. Imagine being part of that crew that’s picking up garbage on the side of the road or something with the pointy stick and then the guys you’re doing time with ask “What’re you here for, DUI or something?”

“No, I shined a laser pointer at Tom Brady because I hate him”

Oh, and one more thing: a young Tom Brady stared down prime Jason Taylor flying off the edge right at his face at 100mph for a decade. Health risks to Brady’s eyeballs aside, you really think a little green light is going to even make him blink?

Life is tough when you suck.