Look, it’s the dog days of summer, you can either read this and have some fun, or you can go find another preseason power-ranking list to get mad at.
The famous question of “if you were a famous baseball player/wrestler/anyone else who gets their own intro, what would your walk-up song be?” is one of those that seems to pop up on Twitter about once a quarter, and it still makes the rounds every time. Why? Because it’s fun to think about!
(Side note: I had the chance to actually do this playing city league rec sports for most of the 2010s, everyone on our team picked their own songs and we had everything from Katy Perry “Firework” to The Lonely Island “I Just Had Sex” to Marvin Gaye “Let’s Get It On” to 2Pac “No More Pain” to the Hulk Hogan “Real American” song. It was awesome. 10/10 would definitely recommend.)
So on a Monday afternoon where the mood seemed to generally be the Carrie Underwood “Waiting all day for Sunday night” except for Monday and Shohei Ohtani and the home run derby, the New England Patriots dropping several players’ choices for walk-up songs was both a fun tie-in and a welcome distraction.
Here’s the video, in which, once again, Kendrick Bourne is simply incapable of not smiling:
And here’s the choices, which mostly range from good to excellent (in this washed 30-year-old writer’s opinion, anyway):
Hunter Henry, TE: AC/DC, “Thunderstruck”
This one’s kind of take-it-or-leave-it; on one hand, it’s already one of the most common stadium songs in every sport. On the other hand, classics stay classic for a reason, and Thunderstruck never fails to get the blood moving. Also gets exponentially better the louder it’s being played.
Jonnu Smith, TE: Meek Mill, “Dreams and Nightmares”
Bold choice by Jonnu going with a song where the beat doesn’t even drop until almost 2 minutes into the song. Also known as the Jaws/Jurassic Park technique of “wait as long as possible to give the people what they want, and then hit ‘em with it and watch everyone go bananas”.
Sony Michel, RB: Lil Baby, “Bigger Picture”
Fun Fact: Sony would know a thing or two about what constitutes good music, as he just dropped his own rap EP in 2019. Suffice to say, it is much better than Antonio Brown’s.
David Andrews, C: Notorious B.I.G., “Big Poppa”
Find something that you love as much as white people love 90s’ rap.
Jokes aside though, the image of David Andrews walking up to the plate or running out of the tunnel with his mullet in all it’s majesty flapping in the wind would be objectively amazing.
Kendrick Bourne, WR: Young Thug & Gunna, “Ski”
Kyle Dugger, S: Lil Durk, “Turkey Season”
Definitely NSFW, but that’s the attitude we want the next great Patriots safety to carry into the workplace.
Jalen Mills, S/CB: Future, “March Madness”
An IG commenter said “Jalen Mills wins this round”, and at minimum, he’s got a very strong argument!
Bill Belichick’s gotta be devastated, there’s not a single Bon Jovi song to be found anywhere.