It’s Week 5 and I’ve already had to write four of these damn things. And I’ll likely have to write at least six or seven more, so I’ll spare you all the standard intro and get right into this week’s positives coming from the New England Patriots’ latest embarrassing loss.
1. Season over. That’s all she wrote on the 2023 season for all intents and purposes. Not only is 1-4 a very hard hole to dig out of statistically, absolutely nothing about the way New England is playing should have any of us believing that there’s hope for this year. On the plus side, at least we can all come to grips with that now and can adjust out expectations and watching experience accordingly. To that end...
2. How bad can it get? If the Patriots are going to be bad, why not enjoy it? Make up some fun games for yourself, like whoever guesses how many straight three-and-outs New England has gets the big piece of chicken at dinner tonight, or maybe play a rousing round of “Which player for the other team will register this week’s pick-six?” When things are this bad, might as well ask just how bad it can really be and lean right into it.
3. Interesting few weeks. I don’t think there’s going to be any kind of fire sale or tons of movement before the upcoming trade deadline, but it’s for sure going to make for some interesting conversation. Maybe they’ll surprise us and dump everybody over the age of 32 off for draft picks and go into 2024 with 16 selections. Again, doubtful anything of note happens, but this will represent one of the more interesting trade deadlines in recent memory as we continue to look towards next year. And speaking of next year:
4. Draft picks. This is going to be a staple of these articles going forward, where I talk about how this latest loss helps New England’s draft status. So, to keep it interesting, every time I post this one I’ll recap where the Pats current spot is in the draft, followed by an interesting factoid or tidbit. So with that: the Patriots currently hold the fifth overall pick in the 2024 NFL Draft. And did you know that there are exactly 119 little grooves on the side of a standard US Quarter?
5. The return of the McRib. They keep retiring this sandwich, but like Brett Favre, it just keeps coming back. This wonderful little pressed cube of congealed fat and pig rectums slathered in imitation BBQ sauce won’t be gracing every single McDonald’s in the nation, but it will be at select stores for a limited time. So, do a little homework, pack up the car for a family trip, and indulge in some deliciousness while you can.