Raining on the Patriots’ draft day parade

The New England Patriots added arguably the best cornerback in the NFL Draft last night in Christian Gonzalez. A consensus top-10 pick, New England was not only able to get him at 17th overall, but they were able to acquire an extra fourth-round pick in the process while simultaneously allowing the Steelers to screw the New York Jets out of the offensive line help they need.

The Patriots only needed 30 seconds to get their pick in, and when Gonzalez’s name was announced, the experts, the analysts, and the fans all seemed to unanimously agree that it was an amazing selection and that the Patriots played it perfectly. Gonzalez is the steal of the draft so far, immediately made the team better, and everyone was happy with the pick.

And to be honest, that’s really not sitting well with me.

Ask yourself: When was the last time Patriots fans all agreed on anything? And when was the last time almost every single media personality and journalist thought the Patriots made a great personnel move? And have those two things ever, in the history of the franchise, happened at the same time?

That’s simply not how it works around these parts, and it has me a little nervous. I don’t know if the New England area can withstand all this optimism.

But fear not. I’m here to balance out the scales a bit and restore some order to the world.

Remember, it’s the Patriots we’re talking about here, which means that they can’t do anything right and every decision should — nay, MUST — be questioned. With all this positivity and excitement floating around this morning, we need some good old-fashioned party-poopery to even things out.

So, in case you’re having trouble finding any of those classic Pats takes we’ve all come to know and love this morning — the kind you usually find on Twitter, comment sections, and spewing out of Michael Felger’s mouth — don’t worry; I’ve got you covered. Here are just a few, all here in one convenient location. You’re welcome.

If they really wanted Gonzalez, they should have traded up for him! The fact that they wanted Gonzalez but didn’t go get him is just pure arrogance. When you have a player of that caliber within reach but stay put, that speaks volumes about your ability to read the room and your lack of aggressiveness. And then when Gonzalez was still there at 14, but instead of selecting him you move back three spots and add an additional fourth-rounder you can likely package to move around in the second and third rounds, I just don’t know if that sends the right message to this kid.

If the Patriots really wanted him, they should have shown that desire and confidence by mortgaging more picks to select Gonzalez in the top 10. Just a bad way to start a promising young player’s career. I’d have a bad taste in my mouth if I was Gonzalez, and you could see it pretty clearly in his body language as he walked out of the green room!

Whatever, Mac Jones is a still a bum and Belichick is still drafting like he has Tom Brady! At this point it couldn’t be more obvious that the only reason that the Patriots have been so successful these last two decades was because of Tom Brady. Belichick rode the GOAT’s coattails all the way and was able to make decisions and take risks because he knew that Brady could bail him out. But Brady is gone now, and here BB is acting like he still has a quarterback.

You can deny it all you want, but Mac Jones ain’t the guy and deep down we all know that. Belichick must be in denial too, because he could have traded Jones or even taken Will Levis with the 14th pick. I wish he’d just put his ego aside, acknowledge that he’s nothing without Brady, and try and build a team that can win. Gonzalez is good and all, but he’s not going to win them a Super Bowl.

The defense was already solid. They still have no weapons! The Patriots already have a plethora of good corners, and Marcus Jones is one of the most electric players this team has had in a while. With so many gaping holes on the roster, particularly at the tight end and receiver position, that the Patriots didn’t address that at 14 with some top-tier talent proves beyond a doubt that they’ve already mailed in the 2023 season and are looking towards 2024, where they’ll likely have a top 5 pick and can take a blue-chip player.

Get ready for another year of complete offensive ineptitude while the defense tries to keep games close. I’m losing confidence in Belichick by the minute.

Guess it’s smart to draft a corner since the D will have to carry the team again with no O-line! The Patriots still have no tackle and Mac Jones is going to be spending the entire season running for his life on his busted ankle. There were franchise tackles there at 14 — franchise tackles! — that could have been plug and play, decade-long starters, but instead the Patriots drafted yet another cornerback who probably won’t work out anyway. Belichick clearly has one foot out the door and doesn’t care about this team’s long-term success.

So...

Any that I missed?

Hopefully, they make a few picks this weekend that gets people up in arms, and help restore some order around here.