clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

Kotaku is a shill for the Magikarp Lobby and there's a Mr. Fuji conspiracy

New, comments

Folks, I traditionally like to stay away from politics, but an article at Kotaku caught my eye and I had to step in. This might not be for everyone here, but it's important that I clear up some misinformation that apparently seems to be going around.

Kotaku is a shill for the Magikarp Lobby group and should be ashamed.

The gaming website associated with the Gawker network posted a ranking of the original 151 Pokemon and it's a complete disaster. I'd say that they're clearly in cahoots with Team Rocket, if it weren't for the fact that they're deep in bed with the Magikarp industry.

There's zero chance in any sort of society that Magikarp deserves to be named the 5th best Pokemon of the original 151, unless the person pushing Magikarp product is working for the entity notoriously seen hawking the Pokemon for above-market value outside of Mt. Moon.

Magikarp can only be considered a top Pokemon if you consider its evolution Gyrados to also be a top Pokemon. Magikarp is garbage that can't do anything at all, until it evolves. If you think the evolution is all that and a bag of potato chips, then perhaps you can boost your Magikarp score. If Gyrados isn't at the top of your list, then your hipster/sellout opinion with Magikarp doesn't make sense.

Gyrados comes in 18th. Magikarp being 5th makes no sense.

Honestly, it looks like there's a whole conspiracy behind this list, and Mr. Fuji is probably the kingpin.

Mr. Fuji is a resident of Lavender Town who operates under the guise of a kind old man that takes in abandoned Pokemon. The biggest structure in the city is the Pokemon Tower, where people bury their Pokemon after their death.

It should be no surprise that Gengar, the strongest ghost Pokemon, tops the list. Oh, and 9th on the list is Cubone, and a whole story arc in the Pokemon Tower surrounds the burial of Cubone's mother. Yeah. Coincidence.

Number two on the list is Porygon, an artificial Pokemon created in the Pokemon Lab on Cinnabar Island. The lab is also used to reanimate fossils. Guess who founded the lab? Mr. Fuji.

Number three is Mew and number six is Mewtwo, and guess which scientist created Mewtwo with Mew's DNA? Oh, yeah, it was Mr. Fuji.

Number four is Dragonite, known as Guardian of the Sea and inhabits the coast. Cinnabar is an Island. Hmm.

Number seven is Nidoking, the most versatile Pokemon that can sweep the entire game in a speed run. Guess which Pokemon you'd want if you were going to take over the world?

Number eight is Charizard, a fire Pokemon. The Cinnabar Gym focuses on fire Pokemon.

Number ten is Lapras, a water Pokemon, and this is where it gets freaky. Cinnabar Island is famous for more than its lab and fire Pokemon. It's known for Missingno., a well known step in a glitch to duplicate items in a player's inventory. The glitch is most used to rapidly grow the levels of your Pokemon. A water Pokemon like Lapras is a crucial step in the glitch.

And what are the forms of Missingno.? A ghost and two fossils. Ghosts and Lavender Town. Fossils and the Pokemon Lab. Mr. Fuji is the connection.

Where can you get the fossils to reanimate in the lab in Pokemon? Mt. Moon. And where can you get Magikarp?

Yeah. Nice try, Patricia Hernandez, or should I say Mr. Fuji. This is a clear attempt by Kotaku to inflate the value of a Magikarp in order to increase corporate funding of some nefarious crime syndicate, hellbent on using Nidokings to take over the world.

Looks like Kotaku is blasting off again.